Today, Sherry Kochiyo, Monitoring & Evaluation Officer at CEJAD, reflects on the important role religion plays in Kenya in reinforcing the deeply rooted stigma, silence, and cultural expectations surrounding how suicide is experienced and understood.
This the final part of a five-part blog series: Breaking the Silence – Reflections on Stigma, Grief, and Suicide in Kenya which concludes on World Mental Health Day. Read the full series introduction here.
*Warning: This article discusses suicidal behaviour. If you have questions on self-harm or feel suicidal, use this link to find an international helpline.*
CEJAD Team with Heshani Sothiraj Eddleston in Kenya
The Burden of Cultural Expectations
After watching Her name was Sita, I found myself reflecting on power of cultural expectations, gender roles, and the silence surrounding mental health and most importantly the means that enabled Sita to die by suicide.
The film made me reflect deeply, especially on how Sita, like many women, was expected to carry herself in a certain way.
When a woman can no longer live up no longer live up to these expectations, the pain and pressure becomes unbearable taking a toll on their mental health that is often ignored, disregarded or not seen by people around her.
In Sita’s case, the emotional burden was too much and tragically ended with her taking her own life.
Trying to meet societal expectations while hiding that pain not only ends in death for the one who is suffering, it also leaves families and future generations in even more pain and susceptible to more shame and stigma.
When loss feels too close: reflecting on grief and guilt
During the scoping exercise, we spoke with people who had lost loved ones to suicide.
This was deeply emotional and challenging for me because I personally knew some of these victims.
At times, I found myself questioning why it seemed like I knew so many people who had died by suicide.
This led me to talk with a group of childhood friends, wondering if we had somehow gone wrong along the way.
Our neighbourhood was vibrant, filled with young people with bright futures.
Recalling how these victims lost their lives during the scoping brought waves of grief, feelings of never having helped enough, and helplessness.
The experience was a sobering reminder of the silent struggles many face after losing loved ones to suicide.
It underscored the urgent need for compassion, connection, and open conversations about our struggles without being judged.
When moral judgment overshadows compassion: Religion’s powerful role in families and communities affected by suicide
While meeting families of victims, religious leaders, community members, and traditionalists, it became clear that suicide is a silent pandemic.
Almost everyone we spoke to knew at least two people who had died by suicide.
What surprised me was that many knew more men who had died – mostly by hanging – while women who died by suicide had often taken pills.
Regardless of the situations that led to these deaths, one thing was constant: stigma.
Families from different cultures, religions, and Christian denominations all faced harsh judgment.
They were deeply disappointed because their loved ones were treated differently from what society views as a “good” or “normal” death, further adding to their loss and pain.
To these families, the victim is a brother, sister, mother, or father – not a sinner condemned to hell and forgotten, as some believe. Their memories live with them every day.
One family shared how heartbroken they were when their church, where they always found solace, refused to give their loved one a “normal” send-off, making them believe that they had judged the victim even in his death, despite religious teachings of “do not judge.”
Neighbours avoided them, fearful that speaking ill might “pass the spirit of suicide” to others.
Faith can lead us forward and help save lives
Through the scoping exercise, it became clear that, before their deaths, victims faced situations where they felt death was the only way out.
These experiences show that it would good to see religious groups and churches find more compassionate ways of supporting families who have lost a loved one to suicide.
It would also be a good for communities and government being open to supporting those who are struggling and helping families find closure and easing the added pain caused by stigma surrounding suicide.
My prayer is that we can open up difficult conversations with everyone, including religious, groups, so that we can treat people with kindness, compassion and respect that everyone deserves.
Amen.
About the author:
Sherphine Apiyo Kochiyo (Sherry), is a Monitoring and Evaluation (M&E) officer at the Centre for Environment Justice and Development. She is responsible for developing, refining and maintaining M&E frameworks as a means of tackling environmental pollution and addressing waste management challenges.
Sherphine holds a Bachelor’s degree in Community Development from Egerton University and a Diploma in Monitoring and Evaluation from Daystar University. She is skilled in developing monitoring strategies, establishing performance indicators, and providing actionable feedback to project teams for continuous improvement. Her expertise ensures that projects achieve their desired outcomes, meet donor requirements, and contribute to organizational learning and sustainability.
